Bull by the Horns

You think you got problems? Try being a bulldog with no nuts.

Sunday, January 29, 2006


My parents took me to another den yesterday for a party. I met this strange dog there and I think it was an imposter...
My first suspicion arose when we greeted, I couldn't tell if it was a boy or girl. But, I figured, maybe - you know - it had been neutered, spayed or, perhaps, had just taken a bath... Except, it smelled strangely carrot-like. Now, I've tasted carrots, and they are Ok, but - C'mon! - dog's don't like carrots THAT much.

Then my suspicion grew when it failed to 'greet' me back. No circling, no tail-wagging, no nothing! I could see its nose and it was working alright... but, it was like, it didn't know proper dog etiquette! How rude!

In hindsight, I'm not so sure it was a dog. It may have been a dog toy in disguise. So be on the lookout. Keep an eye on your food dish, check under your dog beds, and make sure our dog toys are extra dead - there may be spies among us!

Friday, January 27, 2006

Operation Pork Chop

After being informed of the recent swine attacks in Florida, I have coordinated a effort to stem the hog-hound tensions that have persisted the rural south.

A.R.F. will activate a secret weapon... a dog on the inside...

Flash, the dog we all know and love from The Dukes of Hazzard, has volunteered to fly - unarmed - straight into the pigs nest, in an effort to confront Boss Hog and convince him to stop his ruthless exploitation of poor, homeless and immigrant canines from live bacon mastication.

No doubt, Flash is trying to make up for his tarnished image since the remake of his once respected series. Flash, we admire your bravery. You are sincerely one of the great doggie diplomats of the canine era.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Techno Dog

Lesson #2

Information and communication is key.

Our ARF Communications and Recon Equipment has just arrived.

Shaped like a bone, this device allows paws free use by operating as a speakerphone and picking up automatically when called. It is mounted on a red strap for wearing around the neck (no clunky headset needed), and is labeled with a large paw —because The PetsCell, as it is called, is a mobile cellular communication unit for dogs on the go. See PetsMobility for more details. Keep in mind recruits, calling 900 numbers will not be tolerated and remember... big brother may be listening.

This GPS Doggie Tracking Unit from globalpetfinder gives ARF battlefield commanders the opportunity to see the location of every soldier and the ability to employ forces as needed.

However, it is essential that these units do not fall into the wrong hands, thus while it is advantageous that the location of a captured soldier or civilian be known so rescue forces can immediately respond, it is required that each recruit destroy his locator in the event of capture.

Name That Pug!

Can you believe it? This lil' guy needs a name!

He is about to be adopted and for some reason, he can't remember his name. He must have had a troubled past to have amnesia like this or perhaps he is in the Pug Protection Program. Either way, his human is taking suggestions on his blog, and I figured some of you may have worthy suggestions that would preserve this Pugs dignity and spare him from the humiliation of a name resembling his human's blog-theme.

These are his Info and rules:
The dog is a Pug
The dog is a male
The name should be humorous
The name cannot be Meathead, Piggy, Fatty or Bud/Buddy

If [his human] should choose the name you submit, [his human] will provide you with an Amazon.com gift certificate worth $10US, as thanks. This does not necessarily mean that [his human] will limit my choice of names to those submitted.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Pyrotechnics for Dogs

Lesson #1

Observe this training video demonstrating advanced pyrotechnics handling and improvised assault.

See how the recruit remains focused and uses precision timing and lightening speed. By maintaining a low profile the recruit attains steath mode by cruising under the enemy's radar (note the short legs). Also, notice that the pup aims the mortar by selecting the correct grip and then circles to the left - a technique learned from our herding seminar. Lastly, rest assured, while you can clearly hear the humans cackling in fear - none were harmed in the making of this video.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Commando for Hire

I know I'm technically not a 'working' breed, but my friend Ayatollah Mugsy needs a brick wall demolished. Below is my resume, but I need references. So for those of you who know me, please post a reference in the comments. Wish me luck!

Brody The Bulldog

AKA - Bro, Ice Man, PupDaddy, Kong-Killah

Bull by the Horns

Inherent Bulldog strength
Naturally excellent in teeth-bearing and eyebrow-shifting
Black collar level in toy assault
Skilled in AssGass utilization for crowd control
Self-taught proficiency in beggary
Not afraid of Thunder

Total kills: 49
-- Plush Toys: 8
-- Chew Toys: 10
-- Squeaky Toys: 6
-- Soccer Balls: 4
-- Greenies: 17
-- Television Remote: 1
-- Mom's Unmentionables: 3

No Criminal Record as of Jan. 2006
Co-Captain of Dog Park Wrestling Team - Current
Successfully completed Dog Camp, a 3-week intensive Pack-Commando training program. Winter 2005/2006
Headbutt Mom's kitchen doggie gate to oblivion - Sept. 2005
House Trained - Aug. 2005


Monday, January 09, 2006

Year of the Dog

Back from dog Camp-- and boy am I tuckered out!

I usually spend my days lounging around.. but these last three weeks of pack-living has reminded me of how intense dog life can really be! Sheesh! I've never been happier to see my bed.

Here is a photo of me at my reunion with my family. We went out to lunch. It was nice and sunny so I was able to nap in the shade of the table and catch wayward french fries.

When I got home, my folks gave me lots of new toys that people got me. Oh yeah - I'm supposed to say, Thank You Sandy and Thank You Marla. :P

I hope everyone else out there had a good holiday - Happy New Year!