Bull by the Horns

You think you got problems? Try being a bulldog with no nuts.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

The Secret to Longevity

This is Boom Boom aka, The Grandmaster. He's 13 bulldog years old (that's 91 human years) --now that's somthing to aspire to. So I asked him his secrets to longevity.

"Well Grasshoper" he said, "it's starts with a healthy kibble diet, none of that human food"

"No Human food?!" I gasped--"that is going to be tough! I don't know if I can handle that."

Then he reached in his treat bag of fortune biscuits, cracked it open and handed me the fortune that said: "A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."

I bowed my head in humility..."True that Sensei,True That..."

Friday, January 12, 2007

Hollywood: Room for Two Soccer Stars?

I think I need to renegotiate my soccer contract, as I'm literally working for kibble and Beckham will be earning 1 million per week for 5 years when he hops the pond here to LALALand. What's he got that I don't? I got the smashing good looks (which I'm banking on to win the 2007 Long Beach Bulldog Beauty Contest) and I can Bend it as well or even better than Beckham. All I lack is a posh trophy wife.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Mole Hunt

Due to the recent activities occurring over at the Pug Life Ministries, the Armed Revolutionary Forces have undertaken an internal investigation, code-named 'Operation Whack-a-Mole', in an effort to identify exactly how Mr. Blue Bull was able to undermine our security forces and seize Ayatollah Mugsy's compound.

The following information has been released for the public:

1) We have detained several A.R.F. cadets who are suspected to be Blue Bull sympathizers. While all of them currently deny any connection with Mr. Blue Bull, they fit the Bullshevik profile and have squeak very nervously while under interrogation. If we are not convinced of their loyalty to the canine cause, A.R.F. will not hesitate to commence the highly controversial interrogation technique known as 'slobber-boarding'. Either voluntarily or involuntarily - the henchmen of Mr. Blue Bull will spill their white cottony guts.

2) The location and condition of Mr. Mallard is still unknown. However, A.R.F. has recently discovered some photos in the possession of the suspected sleeper-cell cadets which indicate that the Bullshevik terrorists may have prisoners and are treating them in an undognified and uncanine fashion. Unfortunately, the Bullshevik accomplices in the photo have not been identified. Warning: this photo is extremely graphic and may be unsuitable for younger viewers.

3) In a completely unstaged act of defiance, A.R.F. has toppled Mr. Blue Bull's statue. As children danced in the street, a small group of bulldogs climbed the statue's pedestal and attached a rope around it. Shortly afterward, A.R.F. Marines backed up to the monument and attached a chain to the statue, which was originally erected to mark Blue Bull's once loyal service to Pug Life Ministry in their efforts to build a Dogloo Mosque.