Friday, March 24, 2006
Friday, March 17, 2006
Rescued by Ayatollah Mugsy
During operation 'Phat Dog', I was captured deep in enemy territory. They stripped me naked, took my dog-tags, and transported me in a burlap sack to a cold dark concrete kennel where I was kept for what seemed like ages. I became as skinny as a whippet - just a boney 58 lbs - and was subjected to hideous torture such as newspaper beatings and backstreet boys on repeat. Once - oh my god it was horrible - they brought in a frothing vacuum which growled and snapped at me while inches from my face. Good thing it was on a leash.
My years of A.R.F. special forces training paid off as I was able to endure the pain and resist the temptation of telling my captors where the bacon was hidden or who I worked for - however, realizing I was not going to break and determined to turn me into their cash cow, they forced me to stud myself in their puppy mill. It was a very hard time and they worked me to the bone.
Just as I was falling into dispair, a French revolutionary, named Jean-Paul due Boneapart managed to lift my spirits by delivering a piece of jerky with word that the great visionary Ayatollah Mugsy had heard of my capture and was plotting my extraction. As Jean-Paul explained, help was on the way -- but I had to be ready. On the night of the next full moon, I was to wait for the sign... then it would be time.
Over the next week or two, things took a turn for the worse. I was accused of plotting an escape and moved into a maximum security cell deep in the catacombs of the enemy fortress. How would I know when there was a full moon? How would Ayatollah's revolutionaries get me the sign? How would they know I was moved to a new cell?! Worse yet - they said I was guilty of terrorism and was scheduled to be executed in the sleep chamber. My time was running out!!
A few days later, the guard delivered a small scrap of rawhide and some cold french fries. The pit in my stomach deepened... it was my last meal. I was very very sad. Is this what it has come to? It had all happened so fast. Who would lead the Armed Revolutionary Forces? Who would care for all of my pups? Realizing that I had lost, I started to cry. I raised my head and howled a poor and lonely howl which echoed down the chambers of the dungeon.
Then a funny thing happened. My echoes didn't dissipate. They got louder and stronger. Then I realized, it wasn't my echo - it was the other prisoners howling! It must be a full moon! And there are so many... so loud... That's it! It's the sign! The howling is a diversion! Now is my chance!
I got right to work digging around the door and giving it several running head-butts. Before I had made much progress, I heard the jingle of keys. When door swung open, Jean-Paul and two of my pups greeted me and handed me my gear. "HURRY Father!" said the young bullies. They lead me to the woof, I mean, roof of the building where the faint sound of choppers was almost immediately drowned out by the enemy's alarm. "NON! SacrÃ© Bleu! We've euhh been discovered!" shouted Jean-Paul, "I must leave you here mon ami - bon voyage!" And with that - he disappeared into the darkness.
Like lightening and thunder, choppers began swarming out of the darkness. Rockets and gunfire filled the air. I took cover with my two chubby pups as a copter spiraled in. I could tell by the turban that behind the night vision goggles sat Ayatollah Mugsy. As it set down, I climbed in and motioned to my pups to hop up - but they wouldn't. I felt Ayatollah's paw on my shoulder. "I'm sorry Brody" he said.
"Don't worry about us! A.R.F. needs you! Hurry Father!" yipped the paddle-pawed tikes. And before I could protest, the helicopter peeled back off the roof. I watched as the pups scampered across the roof towards a zip line - I wondered if I would ever see them again. "Do not fear Brody" reassured Ayatollah "They are strong like their sire. When we return, they will be ready. Our enemies do not realize our forces are already sleeping under their tables. Those pups will play an important role in the revolution. Let Jean-Paul guide them now."
Thus I realized Ayatollah's master plan was a much greater vision. And that my rescue was only the beginning. Not only would my pups be rescued, but the entire canine species would be as well.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Met up with Ruby at the local coffee shop to catch up. I ordered a couple Pupcakes at the bakery while I waited.
When she finally came by we shared it and people watched.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Mom (aka Lex Luther) has been walking around with a green spray bottle. It weakens me from jumping on to the couches, beds or ottomans...damn you mom! -- had you not been feeding me for the past 10 months, there would be serious consiquences for you-- like the saying goes..never bite the hand that feeds you!